Copyright 2015 by Shea Oakley<\/p>\n
All rights reserved<\/p>\n
I have recently recognized a disturbing tendency I have to sometimes use a type of wrong personal reaction to circumstantial adversity to elicit excessive sympathy from those from whom I want it. This most often tends to manifest itself in the way I react to physical pain or emotional tension. There was a time in my life, not so very long ago, when I would bear both of these things with more of the \u201cstiff upper lip\u201d for which the English have famously, and probably stereotypically, been noted (disclaimer: I am not English.) My tendency at that time was to not take advantage of my pain or tension to subtly, or not so subtly, manipulate people into treating me as I wanted to be treated. For some reason this has, at times, no longer been the case in my life in recent years.<\/p>\n
I believe that every human being desires to be comforted during times of trial and tribulation and I do not think that the God of the cross considers this to be a sinful desire. Actually it is often this very desire which, when it becomes acute enough, plays a major role in drawing people towards that cross and salvation. Once we do become children of God we learn that He is the source of real comfort, that He is in fact \u201cthe God of all comfort.\u201d That God loves to comfort his own in their distress is a thoroughly biblical presumption.<\/p>\n
It is also no doubt true that His comfort often comes through people, and should we expect it to be otherwise when we are called to be the hands and the feet of Christ on earth? God does sometimes comfort us with a direct touch from Heaven, but it seems that far more often this touch comes from our fellow believers (and sometimes even from non-believers who are people of good will through the common grace that the creator gives to all of us, whether we know Him or not.) There is nothing wrong with the idea of finding comfort in those who care for us.<\/p>\n
The problem comes when our desire for comfort in distress becomes excessive and manipulative. If, for instance, I use a physical ache or a bad mood to try to force my wife to feel sorry for me, drop everything she is engaged in, and treat me more like a doting mother than my life-partner and friend then I might be going over the line. It is not that we do not legitimately need this at times from a spouse or friend, but if it is frequent and becomes some kind of a substitute for learning to bear with daily adversity then we are shirking one of the responsibilities of our sanctification as believers.<\/p>\n
The bottom line is that God, as any good father would, expects us to sometimes carry our share of worldly distress on our own. He wants us to count on the character he has progressively given us to carry on without manipulative complaint until we come though whatever the distress is to the other side. This is, in a sense, simply a part of what the world calls \u201cgrowing up.\u201d It is one thing for a five year old to run to his mother when he has cut himself or been bullied by someone. It is quite another for a forty year old man to run to his wife for the same reason and in the same spirit.<\/p>\n
So I apparently have more growing up to do than I thought necessary at this point in my life. I do not mind admitting that it is a bit disturbing to come to this realization, but as with all circumstances in our pilgrimage through this world the truth can set us (and me) free.<\/p>\n
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Copyright 2015 by Shea Oakley All rights reserved I have recently recognized a disturbing tendency I have to sometimes use a type of wrong personal reaction to circumstantial adversity to elicit excessive sympathy from those from whom I want it. This most often tends to manifest itself in the way I react to physical pain… <\/p>\n