by Shea Oakley
All rights reserved
Some Christians have trouble saying no to any request made of them that doesn’t appear obviously unreasonable or unethical. These are believers who have determined that anyone who appears to be in need has an automatic claim on their time and resources. Such an implied need can be something as minor as desired attendance at some social event or as major as an appeal for a substantial amount of financial assistance. In fact anytime a friend, family member, or even an acquaintance wants something these persons feel bound to rise to the occasion.
This tendency can spring more from compulsion then generosity. It is often “sanctified” as a supposedly clear requirement of the Faith by the individual always giving the time, money, etc., and may sometimes even be accompanied by a self-righteous spirit. In other cases the giver is truly humble about his or her policy of unconditional, unrestricted service and giving, but also clearly exhausted either physically, emotionally, or both.
Sometimes people who are perpetually “in need” attach themselves to those who can never say no. In them they have found a seemingly never-ending resource and they take full advantage of this new-found answer to their problems whenever the opportunity presents itself. This may be a consciously intentional decision on their part or it may not, but either way they end up in a sort of symbiotic relationship with the “constant giver” (although a better term may be parasitic.)
If this sounds a bit unhealthy that is because it is unhealthy. This is a situation in which Christians take the spiritual virtues of generosity and self-sacrifice to an unbalanced and “boundary-less” extreme. They have read their Bibles out of context and forgotten that sometimes even Jesus took time to rest and consciously put Himself out of contact with crowds of undoubtedly needy people. They also forget that the Scriptures speak of “letting your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’ ”, thus implying that sometimes “no” is a legitimate answer to a request being made of us.
It is no doubt true that a child of God is sometimes, maybe even oftentimes, under obligation to be there for people with legitimate needs. We may indeed be called to do more than the average person thinks necessary when confronted with requests for expending our time and resources for others.
However being Christian does not make us God. Only God the Father is infinitely available to fulfill every human need and even He is selective and wise about answering the prayers of human beings. We are neither infinite nor omnipotent. We are limited by having only so much time and energy to expend. If our “gas tanks” are empty we cannot be expected to always be in a position to answer every demand made of us by others. There are times when it is completely legitimate for us to say no to such demands. In fact sometimes it is actually wrong for us to say yes (for instance when we are truly in need of physical and/or emotional rest, or when saying yes means enabling someone to be unrepentedly selfish.)
It is OK to draw appropriate lines regarding our meeting the demands of people, even if those people decide to think of us as “unspiritual”. If they do that it is their choice and not necessarily our problem. We are responsible before God to do what we truly can do at any given moment, not what others assume we can. The bottom line is that true giving is a blessing; compulsive giving a curse.